What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
sex in a hospital.. check
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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