Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
