i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
