He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
