I'm gonna have a badass scar
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
