I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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