he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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