just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
