there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
