The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
