it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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