wanna go halves on a baby?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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