walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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