i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
