totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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