I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
