I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
