There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
