it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize