The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
