does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
