Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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