My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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