she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
