Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
