Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
