i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
