I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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