i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize