I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have fence marks all over my body
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize