So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
