Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize