I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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