Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
