terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
