so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am full of burrito and curiosity
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my poor anus
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
