I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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