hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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