Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This is classic penis vs brain.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
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