Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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