Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
