The maid of honor just puked.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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