I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
