i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
