was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
