I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
