i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
