whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
