Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
