Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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