Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
