you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
