my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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