so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
