Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
