yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
