I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
