You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
