I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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