My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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