I need help removing her.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
