I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
