He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
