wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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