I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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