All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
