The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
