So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
